How to start mediation
There are many ways to start mediation – and as the saying goes, many roads lead to Rome. Whether the idea comes from both parties, a lawyer, or the court, mediation remains a voluntary process. In this article, we explain the most common ways to begin, who can take the first step, and what you should know before getting started.
Mediation is voluntary – for everyone involved
Mediation is based on voluntary participation. This means that all parties – and the mediator – have the freedom to start or stop the process at any time. No one can be forced into mediation, and no one is obliged to stay in it if it no longer feels right.
Importantly, the mediator is also free to decline or end a case. There is no obligation to explain why. Sometimes the reason is personal – for example, a mediator might decline to take on a case about inheritance shortly after losing a loved one themselves. In other situations, they may simply be fully booked or feel the case is not a good fit. This is completely normal and ensures that the mediator can remain neutral and professional throughout the process.
Option 1: You both agree to try mediation
The most straightforward way to begin is when both parties agree to explore mediation. You might talk about it together, research options online, or reach out to mediators for information.
Many mediators offer short intake calls or introductory meetings. These give you a chance to ask questions and get a feel for the person behind the title. Since mediation often deals with sensitive topics, it’s important to find someone you both feel comfortable with. A brief phone call can already give you a sense of their tone, style, and approach.
Option 2: One person proposes mediation through their lawyer
Sometimes, one party is already receiving legal advice and asks their lawyer to propose mediation. In this case, the lawyer may send a letter or email to the other party suggesting it.
It’s important to note that a lawyer can never act as the mediator – even if they have mediation training. This is not allowed under Dutch legal standards, because a lawyer’s primary duty is to their client. They cannot shift roles between being biased (as an advisor) and unbiased (as a neutral mediator) and then return to advising again. For that reason, if mediation is proposed, it must always involve a third-party mediator from a different firm.
It’s common for lawyers or parties to suggest a specific mediator. This usually just means the person is known to be good at their job. Mediators work with conflict on a daily basis and earn their reputation by being effective, neutral, and solution-focused.
Option 3: The court recommends mediation
In the Netherlands, it’s common for courts to suggest mediation – either by letter or during a hearing. Judges may encourage it if they believe the conflict can be resolved more constructively outside the courtroom.
This applies to all kinds of cases, whether between individuals, families, or businesses. The court may include a list of registered mediators or simply encourage the parties to find one themselves.
If mediation takes place after a court suggestion, the court will only be informed of the outcome: whether mediation was successful or not. The content of the mediation stays confidential. If the parties reach a full agreement, the court will usually be asked to confirm the result in writing – and no hearing will be necessary. In case of a partial agreement, the remaining points can still be handled by the judge.
Not the only ways – just the most common ones
The above examples are the most typical ways that mediation begins, but they are not the only ones. Sometimes an employer, HR adviser or housing corporation may suggest mediation. In other cases, a friend, therapist or social worker might recommend it. As with many things in life – many ways lead to Rome.
What matters is that you find a route that suits your situation, and a mediator you trust to guide the process.
Conclusion
Starting mediation can happen in several ways – through mutual agreement, with support from a lawyer, or following a court suggestion. What matters most is that all parties are willing to explore a solution, and that the mediator remains neutral and independent throughout.
Mediation offers a structured and respectful way to move forward – whether the conflict is personal or professional. And no matter how you get started, you’re always free to pause, stop or change direction if needed.
Disclaimer: The information provided on this website is for general informational purposes only and is not legally binding. Although we strive for accuracy, the content may contain errors. If you notice any mistakes, please let us know by contacting us via the contact form located at the bottom of the page.
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